Well Then, What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up Little Girl?...

When I grow up I want to be a Primary School Teacher...
Showing children the way through their early years and helping to shape them into the adults of the future. I've always said I would go to uni and study Primary School Teaching - its something I've wanted to do since I was in Primary School myself. Mrs Norcross is the main reason I want to be a Primary School Teacher, she was my favourite teacher and I've never met one like her since.

When I grow up I want to own an Ice Cream Parlour...
Serving tasty cool treats, banana splits with three different types of icecream, topped with cherries, drizzled in chocolate sauce and lightly sprinkled with icing sugar...
Or Knickerbocker Glories that take two people to finish them with jelly and fruit and at least four scoops of icecream and cream with strawberry or chocolate sauce topped with a glace cherry and a waffle flake in a sundae bowl big enough to hold a large bunch of flowers...
Serving hot chocolate and coffee with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream - enough to melt into the hot drink and swirl through the creamy foam...
Single, double and triple scoops of ice cream towering dangerously in their cones and drizzled with sauce and toppings...

When I grow up I want to own a sweet shop...
Brightly coloured sweets glistening in their glass jars lined along the shelves of the huge welsh dressers behind the long shining counter, with swirly lollipops glinting in the sunlight on the top next to pair of old fashioned weighing scales with a bowl hanging off of silver chains. Piles of paper bags ready to wrap the handful of sweets and to be carried away to be savoured...

When I grow up I want to have a job that I will earn enough for my keep at home, run my car, and pay for everything else too, a job that I enjoy and am willing to go to everyday and work hard at...
Instead of having to give up the part-time job I'd come to really quite enjoy and the recent bar work I was slowly starting to like for a job in a supermarket mindlessly stacking shelves or pushing other peoples shopping through a till and having to pretend that you enjoy working for a faceless multi-billion pound business that knows it can find another hundred just-out-of-college-gap-year-students just around the corner. Or for a job that I have no interest in, a job that while it might pay the bills inspires no interest in me at all, especially when I don't know what I want to do with my life at all.
But then again a proper job at all would be useful... "Check with the supermarkets" my parents tell me "they're always after more people" no jobs found... "The postman tells me they're hiring at the moment - try them" no jobs found...

When I grow up I want a job

Learn From Your Mistakes In Life

We are told to learn from our mistakes in life.

I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life, along with the usual mistakes that everyone makes (shoes on the wrong feet, gluing your hands together, etc.), some of which I will never ever talk about again in my entire life that I wish I could wipe from my life, and some which I will always wish I could go back and change. My most recent of these I wish with all my heart I could change because though it was a "mistake" it was at the same time the most wonderful, heart breaking, funny, heart lifting, annoying, educational experience ever.

If you hadn't already guessed, my "mistake" is to do with a guy.

(God forbid he should ever read this...)

I should explain, when I say "mistake" I don't mean that I should never have met this person, had anything to do with them, or anything like that - I mean it in the sense that he was an experience I should and have learnt from, though I wish it wasn't. I wish I could go back and change what happened, what I said and did and behaved because it should have been so much more, so much better but I was unaware of what was happening. All it takes is a little bit of knowledge really, but to gain that knowledge I had to have had the experience.

I started thinking about this the other day when it struck me what the date was. A year ago, on that date, it was the first time we kissed. Its amazing how time flies. I adored him to pieces, had had a crush on him for quite a while, when I found out that he liked me too I was over the moon!

But where the person or entire experience wasn't a mistake there were lots of moments that were, and lots of moments can add up.

On one rare occurrence when we went somewhere together I knew he didn't know many people but I was still uncertain as to how we were supposed to be around each other when we were with other people so at a couple of points I left him and hoped for the best. I know now I should have stayed with him - or at least close by - for the entire time we were there rather than abandoning him and coming back to find he was gone.

You know you miss the connection with someone you had when you find yourself crying reading lovely sweet messages they sent to you...
And so a year later, a year that had started to sweet and loving that I slowly lost control of, I have learnt many things.
I've realised that I can be too clingy at times, and too distant at others, that I fall in love to easily, and can't shake it loose.
I obsess over the small things, and gloss over the big things.
I can be insensitive, read between the lines too much, and over react too much.
I can be jealous, and too protective. And I definitely don't know how to be with guys.

And I'm sorry for not being there when I should have, for hanging around too much the rest of the time, for not letting you breathe, for bugging you and badgering you when I should have let you take your time. I'm sorry for being jealous and too hasty, for getting annoyed at little things and for generally getting in the way.

So if you learn anything from this (convoluted) post tonight it should be this:
Learn from your "mistakes" because while you can't change your past, your future can be made better by it.

And don't fall in love too easily.

Odd Musings In A Middle Of A Wood...

After sitting in Ranscombe today (up on the hills for those who don’t know), drinking Friji chocolate milkshake and wishing it was alcohol, attempting to stop the nosebleed that had been flowing for the past four hours, wishing I’d brought a thicker jumper, and generally being angry at the world, I found myself watching a treasure hunter digging up the grass and sweeping around with his beeped-beep-beep machine… (yeah I can’t remember what they’re called – I swear I’ve only been drinking milkshake honest!)

He’s been searching the entire time I’ve been here, angrily cussing my mother and attempting coursework, and so far hasn’t found a thing. He hasn’t stopped though! And I think he must have been here for quite a while by the looks of the numbers of hole around… that or there’s a lot of rabbits who cover their holes up after themselves, and who can blame them – Health & Safety have been cracking down hard these past years…!

I wonder what he’s looking for?

Gold? Treasure? The engagement ring he dropped the other night and couldn’t find in the dark? I may never know.

(Of course I could go and ask… But that would mean leaving my stuff in the middle of an empty wood while I’m distracted!)

But what I also wonder is why do people preserver with anything? Work, relationships, coursework, treasure hunting? What is it that makes us keep struggling on, no matter how pointless, futile, disastrous it’s going to end up?

I suppose carrying on with things gives a sense of achievement, no matter how far its pulling you down, people just don’t want to feel like they’ve failed.
Some relationships are bound to fail (classed by various psychologists as pre-existing doom I am told!) but people will struggle through, ignore the regular fights, the many disagreements, and just hold on the best they can.
Business ventures that start on a loan from the bank, a tip from a friend, who’s really more of an acquaintance, about a niche in the market that (though its definitely there) doesn’t actually need filling – that’s doomed to fail. But that poor guy will keep at it and hope to make it work...

But I've just realised how doom and gloomy this sounds!!

I'd make it seem better by telling you all the amazing things you can get from perseverance (Money, friends, the guy you've always wanted... etc) but I have to get my coursework in for midnight so need to crack on with it...!

Have a good night!!

(Note added after writing: Metal detector... not beeped-beep-beep machine...!)

Sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing...!

Sing...!
I love singing - its one of the things that I'm really really passionate about! If I couldn't sing anymore I don't know what I'd do...
Tonight I have been to QMTC - Quantock Musical Theatre Company - we've been rehearsing for our concerts coming up in 18 days!! We're a lil panicky about it... well I am!
We will be touring around 6 of the local village halls from the 19th of March through to the 14th of May performing a selection of musical numbers from some brilliant musicals! Ok so Musicals might not be everyones idea of a brilliant time but they're not all happy clappy!! There are some of the happy clappier ones like Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat (which I must say was great when I went to see it last Sunday even if Dan didn't like it!) but it can go all the way up to Les Mis (which is absolutely amazing!! Best musical ever!) so theres something for everyone.
So come along and see it if you get a chance, we get to have lots of fun singing on stage and you get to have lots of fun watching us...
I've kinda gone off the point - mainly cus my brain melted and fell out of my ears today but I'm exhausted so I expected it - but if anything, I love to sing, its a brilliant way to meet new friends, a brilliant way to keep fit in some aspects, and is so enjoyable!

2011 "Merry Easter and a Happy Christmas To You..."

Ohhhh goody another year!!
2011 "may it be better than the last year... which to put it bluntly was shit" - this seems to be the main feeling of everyone, or at least what I've gathered from my vauge wanderings through Facebook (and to tell you the truth this probably isn't the most truthful show of the population's thoughts but it's all I've got to work with!)
So what I will be glad to see the back of from 2010... Well various people and experiences will definately fall into that catagory, one or two people who don't but I sometimes wish they could and would, hopefully some of my friends troubles will also die with the year - its not that I wish to sound like an amazing person at all (ahhahahahaha don't make me laugh) but I really truely hope life will get better for some of them and that this year and all its comings will treat them better.
Money problems also being something I would like to be able to leave behind me in 2010 but I can't see that happening, but maybe I'll be able to pull myself back onto my feet and get more organised!
Things I look forward to of this year though is a much better and more positive list!
A new go at my driving test - something I have been struggling with since August - maybe the new year will let me have that freedom I have been waiting for!
My first proper festival if Georgie gets her way and I can go - Beautiful Days here I come!!
More organised gigs - Marmalade Gigs is now up and running, organising gigs in (for now just) the Bridgwater and Taunton area. Our first gig at Cherries Cafe in Bridgwater wasn't too much of a fail - a few more people would have been nice and slightly less problems with wristbands etc too!
Finishing at College and beginning my GAP year - yes I will miss seeing my friends everyday but the coursework is starting to get me down a bit (this is taking up the time I ought to be doing it in but to be honest I really can't be bothered anymore!) Hopefully a road trip over the summer with my two close friends round Cornwall, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and France - maybe even some others if we get round to it!
Maybe there will be other good things to come too but I will have to wait and see now won't I?
I sincerly hope that everyone has a great year - I intend to... I'm gonna really live my life this year to the most I can!
Happy New Year, Good Wishes, Good Luck, and may you have every happiness!

Who Needs Mascara When You Can Have Ice?!

"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! It doesn't show signs of stoppin, and I've brought some corn for poppin, and the lights are turned way down low, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"
I think thats about right!
You know that the weather isn't quite right when you drive into college with ice forming up your helmet visor, ice forming on your eyelashes, and sheets of ice forming under your eyes... *crunch*
Today its snowed lots and lots, but hasn't settled as it melted near enough as soon as it landed! But I did make a snow man =) Tiny but amazing!
As Micheal Mcintyre said on the Royal Variety last night "Why does the slightest bit of snow take over the news?! The main headlines "Snow!" now the sport "Snow!" now the weather "Um I think you've all said it already... SNOW!"
We're obsessed with it when we get it, we're obsessed with it when we don't and everyone else does, and we're obsessed with it when no-one gets any of it at all! (As I have probably proved with this post...)
Sooo to round it off (as my Dad said in his cheesy intro for Let It Snow) "a weather report"...

Theres gonna be snow, with a touch of snow, and maybe even some more SNOW!!!
=) Muchin luvin!

Mooosick!! The Love Of Ma Life!

Soooo I'm in a band... Marmalade Skies =) So much frickin fun playing with them - we've got a gig coming up on the 29th of December by the way random stranger who happens to read this to fill a mn between two important activities...!
Not pluggin it at all there... aahahaha!
So yeah love making music and recently I've been trying to help others get their music out there - for an area that has so many great sounding bands there really isn't enough opportunities for them to share their sound!
So I've started to organise gigs for local bands in the local area! The one on the 29th being the first (come along and listen tis only £3!...*coughs* sorry not plugging at all!) and hopefully more through January, Feb, and beyond! 15 bands signed up in 3 days isnt too bad though is it!
MUSIC!! GOTTA LOVE IT!