Learn From Your Mistakes In Life

We are told to learn from our mistakes in life.

I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life, along with the usual mistakes that everyone makes (shoes on the wrong feet, gluing your hands together, etc.), some of which I will never ever talk about again in my entire life that I wish I could wipe from my life, and some which I will always wish I could go back and change. My most recent of these I wish with all my heart I could change because though it was a "mistake" it was at the same time the most wonderful, heart breaking, funny, heart lifting, annoying, educational experience ever.

If you hadn't already guessed, my "mistake" is to do with a guy.

(God forbid he should ever read this...)

I should explain, when I say "mistake" I don't mean that I should never have met this person, had anything to do with them, or anything like that - I mean it in the sense that he was an experience I should and have learnt from, though I wish it wasn't. I wish I could go back and change what happened, what I said and did and behaved because it should have been so much more, so much better but I was unaware of what was happening. All it takes is a little bit of knowledge really, but to gain that knowledge I had to have had the experience.

I started thinking about this the other day when it struck me what the date was. A year ago, on that date, it was the first time we kissed. Its amazing how time flies. I adored him to pieces, had had a crush on him for quite a while, when I found out that he liked me too I was over the moon!

But where the person or entire experience wasn't a mistake there were lots of moments that were, and lots of moments can add up.

On one rare occurrence when we went somewhere together I knew he didn't know many people but I was still uncertain as to how we were supposed to be around each other when we were with other people so at a couple of points I left him and hoped for the best. I know now I should have stayed with him - or at least close by - for the entire time we were there rather than abandoning him and coming back to find he was gone.

You know you miss the connection with someone you had when you find yourself crying reading lovely sweet messages they sent to you...
And so a year later, a year that had started to sweet and loving that I slowly lost control of, I have learnt many things.
I've realised that I can be too clingy at times, and too distant at others, that I fall in love to easily, and can't shake it loose.
I obsess over the small things, and gloss over the big things.
I can be insensitive, read between the lines too much, and over react too much.
I can be jealous, and too protective. And I definitely don't know how to be with guys.

And I'm sorry for not being there when I should have, for hanging around too much the rest of the time, for not letting you breathe, for bugging you and badgering you when I should have let you take your time. I'm sorry for being jealous and too hasty, for getting annoyed at little things and for generally getting in the way.

So if you learn anything from this (convoluted) post tonight it should be this:
Learn from your "mistakes" because while you can't change your past, your future can be made better by it.

And don't fall in love too easily.